The third days of rejection, not much of pain anymore, just some feeling of miss the person and some broken self-esteem. I guess that one of the reason I being so sad and miserable is because my highly "kingded" self-esteem is being slashed, now it goes back to 0 and I got to rebuild it again. Got rejected by a woman is like that woman telling you that, " hey, you are not an alpha male that I'm looking for". Although woman might not think of that, but that's what it really is, according to theory of pre-selection. One of the reason might be because she not yet recover from her pass relationship as the feeling of hurt is still there. I got to admit that I never thought this situation will happen at first...... I thought of playing and flirting in the first place. I thought it was a game that we play together, but at the end, can't believe that I fall for it, I lost. But at least now I know the feeling of in love, it makes me know what is love. Thought it would crash my faith about romantic relationship? No, I still not yet give up in romantic love. I still believe there is someone that will appreciate it. One more things is that, she still message me after that which makes me a little bit confuse, but hey, I don't give a dam anymore although the feeling toward her is still there but we shall see how......
I am listening to "stay" by hurt. I feel very ache in the heart. Surprisingly, I did not feel sad nor happy. Things happen and today is August 17th, I sit in front of my computer writing about the incident and my feeling instead of studying about my exam for tomorrow. I feel very down and dissapoitned, maybe this is my first time. I can't believe that I am actually falling in love to a girl that I like. Confession is never a good experience after knowing the truth. My mind now very blank and complicated because I got rejected. This will be the greatest impact of my life, and from today onward, I'll growth and growth even stronger then my previous self. However, till now I still can't believe the fact that the relationship can't work out. I think either I was being played by the person or she was really not into this. But still love does not come with the effort that you did. It is not a logic, it is inunderstandable. I knew, I knew that in my mind but I can't stop myself from thinking about her. I decided to forget about her and keep move on toward my life. But all in the sudden, I still wanted her back.....guess that human are stupid animal that very foolish. My mind very pain and I wish I can hold her hand during that time, kiss her without her permission, but..... I wish for a lot of thing but now.......... I hope you will stay and I believe that you are the right one, but since like we don't work out quite well. Well, I think I should start to forget about you, and give myself some times. Now back to study for tomorrow exam........after exam, it's time for me to emo~~~
Many things happened recently and being betray by one of the long known friend is one of those. I guess I had use to this kind of situation, that's why it just hurt for a while. The hardest thing is that for those things he did to me, still, I need to act like nothing happen. Well, I am a cool guy so I will always "act" cool no matter what happen because this is me. My pride and principle is to be cool and just have fun all the times. HAHAHAHA
Oh yea, back to the topic, about changes, recently I realized that I just been so awkward for my pass life, I am shine and had really low confidence in the sense that I had come make eye contact with someone, maybe it's because of my pass that I was a non-importance character in everyone life except for my family and was being bullied in the school. So, somehow, I unable to make eye- contact or even approach to someone I like. Even talking to girls naturally is something like doing bungy jump. Maybe I had found that I had miss many opportunities in my life, that's why I can't afford to lost any of those anymore. I want to be in love not because I am lonely or whatsoever, it's just that this is the must process in our life. And being in love makes me know how to love a person. It's so importance to know that because without love, you can't trust anyone and do something unconditionally which is what I'm learning right now. Those factor are the reason why I change, I am so proud of myself, that I finally able to do it. HAHAHAHAHHA pride thing again* But still, I got very high man ego, aiks, stupid thing that need to get rid, but somehow man ego is importance so that they can protect their family. ( I think so) haha
Sometimes we just try to cover our feelings as much as possible but somehow, the more we cover the more we suffocate. It'd been ages for me to discover the meaning of friends. I need to admit that I had very few "sincere" friend. What I mean by "sincere" is friends that will care about me or call me out to know how I am. And of course this are the friend that I treasure. What I want to say is that, the feeling of being isolated does not feel "GOOD" AT ALL. Sometimes you just want to pretend that they are still your friend, but when you think of the thing that they do that make you feel so isolated, how can we treat them as a friend. Maybe I think too much, or may that was true. I think that I don't care anymore because I am dissapointed and I am tired of promises that people make and they can't even fulfill it. Now what can I do now is compose a song to remember my feeling for now. This song will be the a song that dedicated for people that been isolated. What I mean is that after understand the feeling of being isolated, I think of people that are worse than my situation such as, special people that are blind, handicapped, or had special reason that people do not accept them in society, I would love to dedicate this song to them. ^^
Forget about the bad feeling, the good news is that I won the second runner up of a song composition. The title of my song is I tell my song with some help from my friend, Willis. Moreover, I got second runner up as well in a online singing competition as well, hahahaha my score is 81 and the second is 82 and champion got 83. The marks are so dam close.
This few weeks I was thinking about my career. And my hearts say that I should be in the music industry. Because I am a person that only like freedom(my nature behaviour). Working hour like 12 to 9 or 9 to 6 simply do not suit me because I am sure going to be late everytime. And there is ton of idea in my head about music that not yet explode. But still it's hard to predict the future. Who knows maybe because of situational factor, I will do something that I don't like. Who knows.......................
Forget about the bad feeling, the good news is that I won the second runner up of a song composition. The title of my song is I tell my song with some help from my friend, Willis. Moreover, I got second runner up as well in a online singing competition as well, hahahaha my score is 81 and the second is 82 and champion got 83. The marks are so dam close.
This few weeks I was thinking about my career. And my hearts say that I should be in the music industry. Because I am a person that only like freedom(my nature behaviour). Working hour like 12 to 9 or 9 to 6 simply do not suit me because I am sure going to be late everytime. And there is ton of idea in my head about music that not yet explode. But still it's hard to predict the future. Who knows maybe because of situational factor, I will do something that I don't like. Who knows.......................
My holiday is so pack till I did not have time to play the game that I took from my friends, hahahaha.
First time feel so "full" during the holiday, it's not a bad thing but it's not a good thing as well.
Today I just came back with my friend from the jamming studio. I got to tell you that it was an awesome experience especially with my friends Alex. He is a great guy, trying to change to a better person. I have faith in him that he will be a better man in the future.
The studio was called tune studio and it was a great place for jamming because the people was nice and the place had good thing. I had visit the place 2 times this week with 2 of my different friends and I will visit the place again next week with matthew and willis.
Well, tomorrow is the day for me to work again with those kids. I hope that I can do my best to teach them what I know because I don't want to mess with other people future (sense of guilty) T.T.
Btw, today I jam until forget that I have gathering with my secondary friends, I feel dissapointed with myself, haiz, how can I forget such an important thing.
Moreover, this holiday it seems like I spend alot but nevermind I found a work already but duno they will hire me or not, hahahaha.
Next is my guitar, "kek sei ngo la" I just bought a guitar and now? Spoil when go to the jamming studio.......cost me RM350.....stupid shop..........should not buy from them anymore. I need to go to Petaling Jaya just to repair that guitar. Now, i want to sell that guitar already. Sorry guitar, u need to find a better master than me hahahaha.
So, I think thats all , I want to sleep d
First time feel so "full" during the holiday, it's not a bad thing but it's not a good thing as well.
Today I just came back with my friend from the jamming studio. I got to tell you that it was an awesome experience especially with my friends Alex. He is a great guy, trying to change to a better person. I have faith in him that he will be a better man in the future.
The studio was called tune studio and it was a great place for jamming because the people was nice and the place had good thing. I had visit the place 2 times this week with 2 of my different friends and I will visit the place again next week with matthew and willis.
Well, tomorrow is the day for me to work again with those kids. I hope that I can do my best to teach them what I know because I don't want to mess with other people future (sense of guilty) T.T.
Btw, today I jam until forget that I have gathering with my secondary friends, I feel dissapointed with myself, haiz, how can I forget such an important thing.
Moreover, this holiday it seems like I spend alot but nevermind I found a work already but duno they will hire me or not, hahahaha.
Next is my guitar, "kek sei ngo la" I just bought a guitar and now? Spoil when go to the jamming studio.......cost me RM350.....stupid shop..........should not buy from them anymore. I need to go to Petaling Jaya just to repair that guitar. Now, i want to sell that guitar already. Sorry guitar, u need to find a better master than me hahahaha.
So, I think thats all , I want to sleep d
Don't know why blog had become my diari book whenever I had thought in my mind and some emo feeling inside me. I rather share it here than facebook because I am not a person that like to tell people about myself. That is why I choose my head title "secret in the sky" which mean you posses a secret in you which shape in the sky, meaningful indeed. Somehow, I will use my so called "philosophy" mind to think about the world, the cause and effect of an incident.
Here come my story of the day,
I was being complained by parent and kids that I was not teaching well enough and therefore they are not improving. Moreover, some children doubt my credibility as an english teacher and they do not like my teaching method. My first feeling was not angry instead, I am dissapointed in the sense that I put a lot of afford in teaching them to improve in the class but they just don't think that it's important. So, time goes by, I starting to become more and more random. I try to approach them again but children nowaday just don't seem to see how important english is. So, I am dissapointed again by them until today I was being complained. I am dissapointed because so far I did what the children expected and I give them alot of freedom. But in turn, what they do is talk something bad about the teacher.
So, now i learn my lesson that "NEVER BE SO GOOD TO CHILDREN". I needed to show serious face and act as a strict teacher during class so that they won't thought i am too casual. Plus, I too should held some responsible for my action so I tell my boss that I willing to give free extra class for them so that they know how to score for their UPSR. What am I thinking that time? I mean their future is in my hand and I was like randomly think it was not my problem. I am so dumb to think about those thing. But, what I can do now is to change my method of teaching next time and be a good teacher. However, there will be a scar that I will never forget for being a educationer and a principe that I'll never forget.
Wish me luck and Hope that I would not suffer from that Untoucable feeling hahahaha!!!
Here come my story of the day,
I was being complained by parent and kids that I was not teaching well enough and therefore they are not improving. Moreover, some children doubt my credibility as an english teacher and they do not like my teaching method. My first feeling was not angry instead, I am dissapointed in the sense that I put a lot of afford in teaching them to improve in the class but they just don't think that it's important. So, time goes by, I starting to become more and more random. I try to approach them again but children nowaday just don't seem to see how important english is. So, I am dissapointed again by them until today I was being complained. I am dissapointed because so far I did what the children expected and I give them alot of freedom. But in turn, what they do is talk something bad about the teacher.
So, now i learn my lesson that "NEVER BE SO GOOD TO CHILDREN". I needed to show serious face and act as a strict teacher during class so that they won't thought i am too casual. Plus, I too should held some responsible for my action so I tell my boss that I willing to give free extra class for them so that they know how to score for their UPSR. What am I thinking that time? I mean their future is in my hand and I was like randomly think it was not my problem. I am so dumb to think about those thing. But, what I can do now is to change my method of teaching next time and be a good teacher. However, there will be a scar that I will never forget for being a educationer and a principe that I'll never forget.
Wish me luck and Hope that I would not suffer from that Untoucable feeling hahahaha!!!
Haha, after a long while without blogging I somehow manage to remember my login ID and password.
I guess I am lucky somehow.
Recently, I just release from the "jail", haha, which mean I am enjoying my holiday, muahahahhaah. Unfortunately, after hearing a news, suddenly I got so down and not to mention, sad. I know that I shouldn't be sad and I should be mature enough to used to this kind of situation but duno why i still keep thinking about the matter. It's about a friend that had forgot me to invite me to a party while everyone was invited only me he left out. I feel dam dissapointed and after all the things that we gone through and I put in high hope that my friends are sincere to me and they will remember me but when I think deeply, they just REMEMBER me when I am useful to them. I felt very worthless in the sense that I am a person with only with a "used" but not in relation ship. I nearly cried out when I keep thinking of that. I'd been thinking "Am I too talkative", "Am I not sincere enough", or "Am I being so honest that somehow I hurt someone". But that is who I am, if I fake out myself that would not be me anymore, but they want me to become that "person" i would not mind at all. I just want to be remembered, as a friend I always remember them, but this is not the first time, there is few time they did not remember me, well, I think that I am not important anyway, beside, why should they invite me? I did not go out with them everytime they ask me to.......but some people have this kind of oppotunity even they did not hang out with them. But hang out with them = friend??? If that so, then we are not friends anymore? I was being too sensitive, I should not think so much. They have a bunch of friend to take care, it is normal for them to forget some people and i just one of the unlucky one. By the way, since they had show their "sincerity", then, I should show mine too.
But what make me angry the most is a friend called "Heng", I still remembered to help him edit video 2 times and he did thank me and treat me. Honestly, I did not help him for his thank and treat but friends. I see him as a friend so I help him. But when I think further is it worth? Is it worth to help him to do the video till midnight and forget about my sleep???? Is he take me as his friend?? Is really he see me as a friend, why he did not call me for "yamcha" but call me only when needed me..........Haiz, I started to feel the reality of the world. I did not feel that previously, but now, I duno. I hope that my perception of the world still remain.
After this incident I suddenly think of a word or something like a poetry,
Sorry for being sensitive but that is who I am,
I treasure sincerity more than reality,
I care people who I should care,
I judge people through their act,
I value inside more than the outside,
And even though I was not treated well,
I insist to live a happy life. :)
I know somehow I am sensitive so I hope that I will be forgiven
I hope people can be sincere to me instead of just using me
I only believe in what I see instead of hearing what other people say, rumors suck o0o
I think that people that those who have a good inner part is the one who I should be with
I don't think I had a miserable life but I do have obstacle that keep me going down
but nothing can stop me from having a happy life with my music!!!!!
Night~~~
I guess I am lucky somehow.
Recently, I just release from the "jail", haha, which mean I am enjoying my holiday, muahahahhaah. Unfortunately, after hearing a news, suddenly I got so down and not to mention, sad. I know that I shouldn't be sad and I should be mature enough to used to this kind of situation but duno why i still keep thinking about the matter. It's about a friend that had forgot me to invite me to a party while everyone was invited only me he left out. I feel dam dissapointed and after all the things that we gone through and I put in high hope that my friends are sincere to me and they will remember me but when I think deeply, they just REMEMBER me when I am useful to them. I felt very worthless in the sense that I am a person with only with a "used" but not in relation ship. I nearly cried out when I keep thinking of that. I'd been thinking "Am I too talkative", "Am I not sincere enough", or "Am I being so honest that somehow I hurt someone". But that is who I am, if I fake out myself that would not be me anymore, but they want me to become that "person" i would not mind at all. I just want to be remembered, as a friend I always remember them, but this is not the first time, there is few time they did not remember me, well, I think that I am not important anyway, beside, why should they invite me? I did not go out with them everytime they ask me to.......but some people have this kind of oppotunity even they did not hang out with them. But hang out with them = friend??? If that so, then we are not friends anymore? I was being too sensitive, I should not think so much. They have a bunch of friend to take care, it is normal for them to forget some people and i just one of the unlucky one. By the way, since they had show their "sincerity", then, I should show mine too.
But what make me angry the most is a friend called "Heng", I still remembered to help him edit video 2 times and he did thank me and treat me. Honestly, I did not help him for his thank and treat but friends. I see him as a friend so I help him. But when I think further is it worth? Is it worth to help him to do the video till midnight and forget about my sleep???? Is he take me as his friend?? Is really he see me as a friend, why he did not call me for "yamcha" but call me only when needed me..........Haiz, I started to feel the reality of the world. I did not feel that previously, but now, I duno. I hope that my perception of the world still remain.
After this incident I suddenly think of a word or something like a poetry,
Sorry for being sensitive but that is who I am,
I treasure sincerity more than reality,
I care people who I should care,
I judge people through their act,
I value inside more than the outside,
And even though I was not treated well,
I insist to live a happy life. :)
I know somehow I am sensitive so I hope that I will be forgiven
I hope people can be sincere to me instead of just using me
I only believe in what I see instead of hearing what other people say, rumors suck o0o
I think that people that those who have a good inner part is the one who I should be with
I don't think I had a miserable life but I do have obstacle that keep me going down
but nothing can stop me from having a happy life with my music!!!!!
Night~~~
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